Robert Downey Jr.
“Tofu is the root of all evil, and there’s only one thing that can change a man’s mind, and that’s a modified Uzi with an extra-long clip.”
Not gonna say much about this. Here it is. Ten costumes ideas, for dogs.
The Dinosaur. Especially popular with undersized canines with a poor understanding of actual relative size
The one time all year when people can run around in a costume and get candy–or green-chili popsicle for us cool people. It’s nearly here. The question is always, “What should I be?” The answer is simple. Be badass. Just like all the rest of the time.
Here some strategies to keep in mind when selecting your badass costume for 2012–or for any other year.
Strategy #1: No costume
If one is badass enough, no costume is needed. Costumes are play-acting, they reveal who people wish they were. If one is badass, what more is there? Why would you want to be anything else? People should dress up as you!
Strategy #2: A Legendary Badass
What do you want to be? A Legendary Badass, of course! Pick one of the legends of badassary and go with it.
Strategy #3: The Opposite
This is a debated strategy, and one that is not easily pulled off, but it can be done. Pick a costume that is the polar opposite of badass. Try something pink, or frilly, or even Urkel-esk. If you try this one, please share it with us.
Strategy #4: The Awesome Object
Try being something cool instead of someone. This might be a sword, a gun, a brick wall or other inanimate object that might be classified as badass or at least be a popular accessory of the badass.
Strategy #5: The Personified Wit
Are you a smartass too? Them maybe you should try to bring your rapier wit into existence as a costume. There are infinite possibilities here, but a possibility that I’ve seen done it the”Blue Screen Of Death.” No the most witty example, but it give the idea. A phrase or idea or action, clearly implied by a physical outfit.
Strategy #6: The Badass Beast
This is again, a large and vague category. It’s defined exactly as it sounds. Pick some sort of badass animal, be it real or fictional, and go with it.
Strategy #7: The Car
I would like to see this one done. There are a lot of cool and badass cars out there (mostly from the muscle car era). Throw on a bumper and some headlights and hit the streets. (And send a picture!)
Strategy #8: The Experiment
As a badass, you may be entitled to you own opinion. In this case, use your own understanding of badassary and come up with a purely original costume concept.
From the prophet of “Self Reliance” himself, here’s our inaugural Badass Quote of the Week.
I think this one is a very good bit of advice on how to be a badass.
From here on out, every Monday, a new badass quote will be posted.
Can hats really be badass? Or is it the head under it that makes it awesome? That’s an eternal question, kind of like the chicken and the egg. Let us ponder, but meanwhile, here’s another badass list.
Numero Uno: The Cowboy Hat
Some Legendary Badasses who wore one:
John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Brick Wall, Audie Murphy
While other styles may come and go, the cowboy hat has been badass for a long time—and it still is. Don’t mess with “This Cowboy’s Hat.”
Number 4: The Driver’s Cap
Legendary Badasses who wore one:
Kato, Sean Connery
Whether you’re the asskicking driver/sidekick of a deluded vigilante, fabled mafia-killer with a six-gun vest, or just a regular badass with old-school style, the driver’s cap is for you.
“The wise man speaks because he has something to say, the fool because he has to say something.” – Aristotle
“The badass speaks sparingly.” – Brick Wall
So, you want to be a badass? If you are prepared to make the sacrifices necessary, you may become a prime example of awesomeness. If not, perhaps you should just get a badass nickname and go on. Badassery is not for everyone.
Rule #1 – Silence
More often the not, the most badass response is silence.
Somebody walks up after you just demonstrated some aspect of badassery and says,” Hey man, that was badass.” Verbal agreement would lessen your badassery. Just smile and nod and walk away.
A cool nickname is a reflection of one’s badass aura. Most badasses acquire a collection of names. One of the marks of a great badass is when your real name becomes a badass nickname itself. Such badasses of legend include Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood, and Bruce Lee.
For those somewhere shy of legendary status, who are seeking a badass name for themselves, there are two notable ways to proceed.
1) The Badass Way – This is the most badass method of getting a badass nickname.
Because a he understands Rule #1, a badass does not give himself an awesome name. To do so would be a severe breach of badassiquette. Instead, he projects his awesomeness onto the world and awaits the moment when his badass aura reflects back upon him in the form of a nickname. By letting others break the silence, he does not compromise his own badassery. This is how I came to be called Brick Wall and it is how you should get your badass nickname. Be patient, my friend. Awesome nicknames come to those who wait—and are badass.
2) The Other Way – This is the other way to get a badass nickname.
If you ignore badassiquette, and feel that having a badass nickname is more important than being a badass, then you may nickname yourself. You may live in your mother’s basement, but you will be called Thor. Take pride in having an powerful nickname. It is probably the most badass thing about you.
(Note: a legendary badass, having so much badassery to spare, may nickname themselves if they so choose.)
The first thing you should know is that Brick Wall is not my only badass nickname, just the least scary one. I do want you to keep coming back. (Don’t be afraid, the entire internet is between us, and I’m not Chuck Norris.)
This is a site about all things badass. So, the question arises, who is it that is writing about all this awesome stuff? In order to fend off future frowns upon my credibility, I submit some evidence of my badass history.
A Badass Resume:
These things all belong to me (except the badass beard, I’m afraid, it belongs to Chuck Norris.)
I rest my case.
Welcome to Badassary.com. Hope you find some badass laughs.